So God Made an Executive Assistant

It’s Administrative Professionals week 2015, and with over 6,000 views since I first posted my rendition of “So God Made a farmer,” I thought it worth re-posting for your enjoyment. This idea started after I watched the Superbowl 2013, and if you are like myself and family, we enjoy watching the commercials almost as much as the game.

One of the few commercials that shined that year was the one from Dodge, featuring Paul Harvey’s famous 1978 speech “So God made a farmer.” I was quite moved by Mr. Harvey’s words and thought to myself, “I wonder how it might sound if I springboard off of his concept and craft a version just for us executive assistants?” In honor of Administrative Professionals Week, here is my take on the soon to be infamous “So God made an executive assistant.”

And on the 2nd day, God looked down on her planned paradise and said, “I need a caretaker.”
So God made an executive assistant.

God said, “I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, answer my emails, work all day in the office, answer my emails again, skip dinner to attend to the board of director’s offsite and stay past midnight.”
So God made an executive assistant.

“I need somebody with hands strong enough to protect my gate and yet gentle enough to deliver her own management style. Somebody to call other employees, vendors and tame cantankerous customers, come to work hungry, have to eat lunch at her desk until all my appointments are set, and tell a board member ‘of course, I’ll be happy to change your flight at the last minute.’ Then say ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’ — and mean it.”
So God made an executive assistant.

God said, “I need somebody willing to sit up all night with a smart phone waiting for me to call from the other side of the world. And watch it till the battery dies. Then rub her eyes and say, ‘Maybe she’ll call tomorrow.’ I need somebody who can shape a glorious letter from unreadable hand-written cryptic notes, create a spreadsheet that captures all of my expenses from bits of wadded up receipts months old, who can make a to do list that includes my husband’s birthday, our anniversary, then be sure to send flowers, crafting so diligently my signature. And who, at quarters-end, will finish her forty-hour week by Tuesday noon, then suffering from the pain of ‘computer back,’ put in another seventy-two hours.”
So God made an executive assistant.

“I need to have somebody willing to ride the waves of office politics, work double speed to get the board package assembled, copied and ready to go before the 4:00 p.m. pick-up, and yet stop mid-project and race to help when she sees the first smoke from a co-workers melt down.”
So God made an executive assistant.

God said, “I need somebody strong enough to clear schedules and get past customer’s impassable walls for a meeting with their CEO, yet gentle enough to tame sales VP’s and wean tender new employees. Somebody who will stop watching her favorite TV show on a Sunday night to confirm my flight arrangement from Taiwan to San Francisco, all the while remembering there is a time change. It has to be somebody who’d plow deep and straight in organizing my life and not cut corners. Somebody to seed, weed, feed and nurture our business relationship, and finish a hard week’s work with a twenty-five mile commute home.”
So God made an executive assistant.

“Someone who would bundle a corporate team together with the soft strong bonds of sharing, who would laugh and then sigh, and then reply, with smiling eyes, when her daughter says she wants to spend her life doing what Mom does.”
So God made an executive assistant.

I hope you enjoyed my version of Paul Harvey’s “So God Made a Farmer.”

Wishing you all – a week full of glorious recognition for all the work you do!
Best,
Joanne